And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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