SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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