Where is the hickey?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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