Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
