I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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