yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
