drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
