Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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