I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
