Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
