We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
