omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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