I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
