Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
