I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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