i need an iv and a liver transplant
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
