Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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