Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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