Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
