dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
