so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
