Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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