pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
