piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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