oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So vagazzling was a success
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
