Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
