I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
