There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
