I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
