She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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