I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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