i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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