what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
