SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
