he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
