her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
