Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
