i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
