I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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