You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
