i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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