felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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