i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
