chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
