I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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