The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
