New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
