Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
