If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
