I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
