did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
