Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
