I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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