____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
