I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
