i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
