need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
