I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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