that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
