very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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