its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
