I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
