chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what day is it and did you see me today?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The beer is more important than you right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
