i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
