Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
