pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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