She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
