there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
