How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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