i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
