too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
