Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
