And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
